This is more of a fluff post than anything else. I realized that I haven't posted anything in a while, and I decided to post because I started clearing out my clothes and I realized, Well shit. I'm gonna go live in Korea and teach for a whole fracking year. And the excitement started getting to me.
I'm one of those people who only look excited over stupid things, like when my co-worker gave me a few Reese's that she wasn't gonna sell (she runs the café at the institution I currently work for) or when I was geeking out when my brother gave me the Rogers and Hammerstein version of Disney's Cinderella (Where Brandy played Cinderella, Whoopi Goldberg was the queen, and Whitney Houston was the fairy godmother, I swear it exists). Those little things, I let the crazy out over. Big things, like going to Korea, don't make the "Go Crazy" list at all.
So I'll vent all of that here! I am so excited to go to Korea. In my previous posts I've mentioned I've traveled abroad before. I've been to Paris (the love of my life), Italy (my heart's mistress) and Japan (what can I say about the Anime capital of the world?!). However, this is the first time I will go anywhere and be completely unattended for the vast majority of my stay. When I went to France, I went with a summer abroad program through my school and we had a UC Davis (GO AGGIES!!!!) teacher and other students with us. The same thing for Japan. Italy was a side-trip after my Paris adventure, and even then I stayed with a good friend of mine. Enrico, if you ever read this, I miss you and I miss Italy.
Like I said, I've never been truly alone in another country. This will be my first time. Also, this will be my first time going to a country where I don't know the language. I know, I know... some of you may be thinking "Dis bitch speaks four languages?!" No. I Speak three languages at this moment in time. But I can assure you, after my stay in Korea, it will be four. Maybe five if I take the time to learn Spanish wile I'm there (so that I can teach abroad in Spain). But that's the excitement, isn't it? Going into a new place alone, discovering things for yourself, figuring out things by yourself, and embracing an entirely new culture without others is amazing.
The thing is, when you're with other foreigners, you tend to miss out on a lot of things you wouldn't have if you just went by yourself. When I went to France, Professor Scherr required that we go out and find historic points in the city and explore. I often did this by myself (and later my classmates would drag me out to take them to those places because I already knew where to go) and I found so many little treasures because of it. There was this nice little café on Rue Mouffetard that I adored. There was also this awesome thrift shop in Belleville where I got this awesome leather jacket that my mom monopolizes (sadly, it looks better on her). I also found some of the best restaurants in the city (in my opinion). I didn't have that option in Japan because the course was much more structured and regulated.
I find I like the freedom to explore more. And I find it's best to do it alone, or in a small group if you're afraid. Getting lost is always better with a friend.
This aspect of adventure was still marred by the fact that I had a teacher to call if anything happened. I was never truly on my own, and I didn't have to rely on myself for everything. I was pretty independent, but I wasn't totally independent.
Now some people may be thinking "what about your mentor or co-teacher?" They aren't solely responsible for me. Yes, they'll help be get set-up, but it will be expected that I do as much as I can on my own after that. My co-teacher or mentor won't hold my hand when I get lost. I'll have to find my own way home. I'll have to shop on my own, figure out what things are on my own, and learn how to integrate myself into Korean society on my own.
It's all so scary... and that is what makes this trip exciting.
It's the thrill of adventure and the anticipation for the rough times ahead. It's the thrill of discovering new things. It's the thrill of discovering if I'm actually willing to become a teacher. I've wanted to be a teacher for a long time. This opportunity will be a great step towards that. If I find my experience to be solidifying, I know I've chosen the right course for me. So far, I've worked with students. I get frustrated, but I've found it very rewarding overall. I will have time to develop actual pedagogical skills and see where it leads me.
It has always broken my heart when I see students who aren't up to par, who have been overlooked. Perhaps this can be the first step to my dream of helping students who need it, to help them realize their potential and stop feeling stupid when they're not. Anyone can learn, the question is simply how.
Many of my friends haven't even left the country before. I urge them to do so, but it's hard for most people and I acknowledge that. For anyone who reads this who has never been away from their home country, find a way to do it. it IS possible, and the experience does more than open your mind to new possibilities, it gives you a better perspective of your own country and of yourself. I hope to learn something about myself while I'm abroad. I'm sure I will.
So I'm excited. This is probably one of the most important things I'll do under the age of 30 in my whole life. it will determine whether or not I'll continue on my path or switch to astrophysics or engineering (both of which I find fascinating).
And even if no one sees it on my face or hear it in my voice, they can see my thoughts in writing, in these blog posts. My excitement, my anguish, my curiosity... everything I wouldn't normally express in words.
I'm Excited.
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