Why I Don't Have a Korean Boyfriend

Aloha Everybody! Yes, it's me again with a question on the minds of a few people (mostly my family). This post has been a long time coming, and I decided to post it now that I'm leaving (although I MAY come back).

Let me just say, this is probably going to be the most savage post I will make for a while. It's not that I meant it that way and I really tried to make it light-hearted and fun like the rest of my stuff, but when it comes to dating Korean guys there are really only two extremes: super happy and super pissed. I know it's bad-mouthing people and I know that this will upset many others, but this is not representative of all Korean men. This is just MY experience and what I've encountered.

If you guys want reasons you SHOULD date a Korean guy, please google it or use your favorite search engine, because this article is NOT For that.



When I announced I was going to teach English in Korea everyone close to me (aka my family, besties, and college buddies) all said I was going to find a man in Korea and get married and have beautiful blasian babies and never come back to the states apart from the yearly Thanksgiving meal. I kinda thought so too, but I wasn't too sure about it.  By then I had already owned up to #ForeverAlone, but I thought it would be nice.

I arrived in Korea. First things first, DO NOT EXPECT KOREAN MEN TO LOOK LIKE THEIR CELEBRITIES. If you do, you will be sorely disappointed. Korean guys aren't ugly. They're not. But they're not as hawt as Rain. Rain is an anomaly. On top of that, most kpop stars have some type of surgery, too. So keep in mind that man-hunting is the same in Korea as it is everywhere else in the world: most guys are normal, there are some above and below normal, and then there are the guys on the extreme ends of the spectrum.

Before I begin, let me emphasize something very important:

NOT ALL KOREAN BOYS ARE LIKE THIS. this is just from my experience and what people have told me.

Now that that's over with, time to move on to the reasons I don't have a Korean boyfriend, nor do I really want one (sorry guys, if it's not Bang Yongguk, it's not probably not gonna happen).

1: The push and pull dating game

The Korean dating game is annoying as fuck. There. I said it. Now, I'm not a fan of the american way like waiting at least 3 days to call, but I actually prefer it to the Korean way.

Here's how it works: when you first meet someone and exchange info. you spend like a month constantly messaging each other to show your interest. That's annoying to me because I don't even message my mom every day, why the hell would I wanna message someone I just met? I tried it, and it was exhausting, but I had hope, so yeah... Anyway, you have to message A LOT in the beginning. This is crucial otherwise the other party will think they will only be friends.

After that month or two of constant messaging, there's another month or two of radio silence. Absolutely no contact. I forgot about it. Homeboy who i was messaging suddenly started ignoring my messages. It wasn't until a week later that I realized it was step 2 to push and pull. anyway, after the radio silence you slowly ease into texting constantly again, and from there you can be sure that a relationship is definitely on the table. Continue this until someone makes it official.

Now, I told you I don't message people very often. I read messages, and I reply when i feel like it or when i need to, but for the most part I don't communicate with people I don't see face-to-face.  What annoyed me was the radio silence. I have no patience for it. If I take my time to message someone, they better not just stop, because that means that they're basically dead to me. I'm an adult. if I have their info they're an adult too. I may be young, but those kinds of games are no fun and they're a waste of time. I know that cultures are all different, but you would think that in a country where people want to get married early they'd leave the games to teenagers.

NOT ALL KOREAN BOYS ARE LIKE THIS. this is just from my experience and what people have told me.

2: Korean guys don't want a girl who's better off than them

Now, this one is a little confusing. IF she's a rich girl, i think they'd generally be okay with it, if she doesn't have a job. But I am a part-time teacher and my pay is pretty good. If I was interested in a guy whose pay was lower than mine, he would most likely not reciprocate even if eh did like me. Korean guys want to be the breadwinners. They want the girl to rely on them, not the other way around. Personally, I don't mind so long as homeboy has a job and supports himself. We can work on getting him a better job. Just don't take me for granted because I refuse to be a sugar momma. I don't have money like that.

This mostly has to do with the fragile Korean ego. People here have extremely low self esteem and as such, they constantly search for ways to look better. Taking care of their girl or having a girl on the same level is one of those things. We all know that a man's ego can be pretty fragile (shout out to the confident males in stable relationships!). A Korean man's ego is, generally, at least twice as fragile. They lose confidence very quickly and try not to show it.

And I ain't got no patience to be babysitting a grown man's ego when they don't put in the effort first. The strong independent woman is sexy here, but in general it's not what Korean men want in a stable, long-lasting relationship.

NOT ALL KOREAN BOYS ARE LIKE THIS. this is just from my experience and what people have told me.

3: Korean guys who approach you usually aren't the kind you wanna be with

Guys here are shy, if you wanna be nice about it. The good ones, anyway. Most of them won't approach a foreign girl without being under the influence of alcohol and even then it's pretty rare. The ones that do approach you are usually the player types. All they want is to play with a foreign girl and brag to their friends. This type can be really shady and I've heard more than one story about it.

The shady guys will make you feel special and lull you into a sense of security with promises and words without ever directly saying your dating. Then when they get what they want, they say you were never in a relationship to begin with. Sometimes not even that, they'll actually date you for a while and make you feel special, but dump you when you get too serious. For them, it's all for show.

NOT ALL KOREAN BOYS ARE LIKE THIS. this is just from my experience and what people have told me.

4: Korean guys are too damned picky when they have no right to be

There are plenty of average Joes here. Really. But these average Joes want the best woman. Calm down, bruh, it's not that serious and you are not that cute. Let me explain.

Korean guys like their girls young. When you hit 25, it starts getting harder for girls here. Even men 30 or over prefer younger girls. I mean, it's normal, but the difference is astonishing. You can be labelled Christmas Cake much earlier here than in the US. When a guy isn't particularly cute, he shouldn't go for a younger girl when there may be a cute girl his age who likes him.

Korean guys don't like girls who weigh too much. By Korean standards. This problem doesn't affect me, but it's something to consider seeing as Koreans are generally thinner than Americans. I don't quite get this one, it's delicate. I think it mostly has to do with the fact that they themselves are skinny, and they think they can't handle that. Yes, like that. Like I said, their egos are fragile. If they can't top their woman they'd be devastated. Once again, if you're average or not cute you can't really be too picky because the ideal girl will be snatched up by someone else.

Korean guys don't like girls who talk back too much. A little is cute, but the level of an American can be bad, especially for me. I usually go with the flow, but the minute someone gives me a direct order, I push back (unless it's my mom). I take kindly to suggestions, but not if they are too forceful, and that's where Korean guys lose me completely. They tend to give "advice" for everything for their girlfriend or potential girlfriend. Sometimes it's good, but if I'm sure I know what I'm doing better than he does I will tell him so. This behavior makes them very uncomfortable.

Korean girls are masters at hiding their dominant side until homeboy is too deep in. They'll let it show gradually. When they get married, that's when they get more assertive, because divorce is so frowned on here. Husbands won't leave their wives if they start showing they have backbone.

NOT ALL KOREAN BOYS ARE LIKE THIS. this is just from my experience and what people have told me.

5. Korean guys have no self-esteem

I've already mentioned this many times, but this is worth having it's own category. Many times by many different Korean people, I've been told that Koreans have no self-esteem. This is primarily true: people here really aren't feeling themselves because the focus is usually only given to the best of the best. If you're anything short of extraordinary in any one category, it's as if the world doesn't recognize you. The school system is a good example: it's so competitive, and it's because special attention is only given to the top students so that they can stay on top.

It's much like that in dating too. The worthwhile guys who don't do anything in categories 1-4 don't think they're worthwhile. They won't approach you (or me) because they simply don't think they'll have a chance. Many times I've been told I should ask guys out instead. Truthfully, I have no problem doing just that, but to me this seems to much like an excuse. I personally would like to see a guy gather his courage and ask me out rather than sit on his ass and whine about how they'd never get my attention. The only one who knows that is me. If a guy thinks he's not good enough he could ask me what he needs to do to be good enough. And... usually... asking me is half the battle.

I should probably mention by now that I have a resting bitch face (RBF). If I'm zoned out, I look upset. It's just how my face is. But most people who know me will say I'm a fairly nice person. Definitely not the best, but I try to be a good person. However, that RBF would stop most guys in Korea from approaching me. (It stops most people in Korea period...) They think I'm gonna turn up on them so they get even more scared.

NOT ALL KOREAN BOYS ARE LIKE THIS. this is just from my experience and what people have told me.

6: I'M NOT SOCIAL

This is the biggest reason I'm single and will most likely always be in the #ForeverAlone club. I don't leave my house very often. It's basically work, Korean class, home. I know people who are in wonderful relationships with Koreans, but those people went out and looked hard. That sounds like hard work to me and I'm literally getting tired thinking about it. Some people met through dating apps too, but I don't like the idea of meeting someone over the internet because information can be fabricated really easily and it can be really dangerous.

So 90% of the reason I'm not with anyone is that I'm a recluse. There's nothing wrong with that, either. It's because I'm a recluse that I haven't had enough good encounters with quality Korean guys who definitely exist and who definitely make up for the shitty Korean guys. Everyone's experiences will be different. Like I said, their are plenty of great Korean guys out there and I'm sure that the good will outweigh the bad. Take everything posted here with a grain of salt because Korea has about 50 million people and I'm just one person. Don't be afraid to jump in. I just don't want to because stuff that has to do with dating usually annoys me.

Now, If you made it this far, even if you're angry, thank you. I know the savagery was off the charts for this. I'm sorry I offended you with my opinions (yes, I know this was offensive) and I hope you can remember that it's not impossible to find love here. I just suck at dating in general.